As far as my health issues have been going, I am still being surprised. Nice, isn’t it, surprises? You’d think I’d become more prepared for unpredictable by now. But I’ve always felt like such an average, regular person that I keep expect everything to be rather ho-hum and text-book and it’s just not turning out that way.

I had a doctor appointment today with my internist. This was the first time I’d actually talked to him while not half out of my gourd on drugs! I like him though. He seems very careful and thorough. So I go in expecting to hear “Yep, it’s Crohns Disease and you need to take this medicine for a while and if you have problem do this. See you in year!” Silly me.

It seems that my assumed “mild” Crohns is actually severe and serious. I am looking at years of treatment in order to avoid surgery. Steroids for a while, another anti-inflammatory for possibly five years, AND another treatment that sounds a bit like chemo (taken in the hospital intravenously at different intervals for as long as a year, with possible harsh side effects…and oh yeah, expensive!!). I asked the doctor again, “It’s THAT serious?” “It is THAT serious.” He said he didn’t proscribe that drug lightly.

Well, crap. That throws a wrench in the works. I’m still processing it all. Seriously, I’m not posting this for sympathy cyber hugs! There are people right here on my f-list battling much more debilitating and awful illnesses than my chronic, not life threatening, intestinal issue. And every day I am more amazed by their spirit and determination and good nature in the face of pain and just rotten luck!

I left the doctor’s office feeling kinda sorry for myself. I thought about just going home. I am worried about some things. The financial strain. Insurance is such a nebulous, unpredictable and unreliable thing. And also the physical toll this will take on my body in the future. But one thing the doctor did say to me was that my otherwise good health was a big benefit to me. I have nothing else wrong with me at all. So I went to the gym and I did a pretty decent work out. While I was sweating away and listening to my iPod, I was thinking about how I didn’t want to be a sick, weak person who had to be handled so carefully and who limited their life. I don’t want to look or act or BE sick. So I decided I’m not going to be. Oh I’ll take care of myself and do everything the doctor thinks I should. But I’ve decided that for a good 98% of the time, I’m not going to be “that lady with Crohns.” I’m going to be SnoKat, the housewife, the writer, the friend, the daughter, the hard worker, the baker, the gardening, the animal lover, the doer, the goer, the Alan-fan-supreme and Harry Potter worshiper! And I’m going to like myself a little bit better for it too.

Lots of thoughts come to mind. “Put on your big girl pants and deal with it,” is appropriate. But also this song came on my iPod and it really struck me. I’ve heard it a bizillion times, but this time I think I actually listened to it. So, Move Along now… nothing else to see.



P.S. You know I’ll take my happy news where I can find it. I weighed at the doctors office and found I’m down by about 7-8 lbs! Hell of a diet plan. But I’m going to go dig around in that box of clothes I was going to give away and see if anything I thought was a lost hope of ever fitting me again is now going back on the hanger!!